And now, another edition of...SEPARATED AT BIRTH!!! (and Matthew Macfadyen)

FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE ANIMALS

(No animals were harmed in the making of this post)

Adrian Brody

Jacob Black and Bobby Alpaca

Britney Spears and an insulted baboon

She has a great personality

Ok, the dog is really pissed about this

Is Anderson Cooper part vampire?

Evolution at its worst

 Bridget Jones and the Rabbit of Doom

AND NOW CELEBRITIES WHO LOOK LIKE 

THE OPPOSITE SEX CELEBRITY 

Which had the chin job?

Very strange personalities too

I have no idea

Better to look like him than her mother

Neither looks good in short hair

AND FINALLY,

SPOOKY CELEBRITIES

 Adolf Hitler's Mother and Michael Cera

 Charles Manson and the music guy

 Octomom and another octomon

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks tatas and a cartoon guy

Why do I want to break into song at this

and finally,

MATTHEW MACFADYEN

What happened

Porn Pop-ups; or, should I call them Pop Tarts (and Colin Firth)

Well this was an interesting couple of days.  It began yesterday morning when I cranked up the old abacus here and started to search out gossip - I mean stories -  for my blog, The League of British Artists.  By the way, have any of you ever wondered how Pat and I came up with that most pretentious of titles for our blog?  No?  Who asked you you stupid...

But I digress.  Ok, so I'm at the computer and checking out a news item on, say, RICHARD ARMITAGE (as if - Richard Armitage stories are as rare as botox injections in a convent) and I suddenly see a string of nasty little pictures.  I mean these were lurid, disgusting, filthy, porn shots of people. Having. Sex.  Do you know how hard it is not to click one of those suckers on?  I'm wandering again, aren't I?

Well, I had Pornitis of the old computer.  Foo-Bah.  There they were, all these strange teeney men and women humping away in miniature, ads for porn sites.  Disgusting and degrading to see.  Especially with the magnifying glass.   Baby porn.  I needed a Pornectomy.   But first I had to subject my Toshiba to a Pornoscopy.  Are we done with the medical terminology?  I should say so! as Homer Simpson would say.

What did I do?  I did what any red blooded, right thinking, patriotic American would do.  I phoned India.  Spoke with my buddy Sanjeet at Iyogi.  Iyogi is a gift from God for me because they can fix the computer right then and there - remotely.  I do nothing but answer their questions occasionally and drink coffee.  And they are so polite and courteous that you wonder about them.  It's hard to imagine that right outside is an elephant lunch wagon waiting for the noon bell to ring.

You know I first noticed these Porn sites attaching to me about a month ago.  I checked out my numbers of hits for the day and it was four thousand, I kid you not.  Well, I felt that my blog was finally achieving the status is was meant to have - I mean it is The League of British Artists.  But then I noticed that a post about Clive Owens and his wife had made it, overnight, to the number one position for number of hits.  Odd, that, I thought. Nothing against Clive (who I really do like, especially in Gosford Park, one of my all time favorite movies) but he usually only gets about twenty hits per post.

When I clicked on the post a whole bunch of porn came up.  Free porn, western porn, navy porn, girl on girl, boy on girl, girl on dustbuster...  I took down the post, so don't bother trying to look for it.

The next time I saw it was when I was posting something to a COLIN FIRTH facebook page.  I noticed a couple doing the nasty, but there were no faces involved, if you know what I mean.

So I looked.

Well, for god's sake it was a COLIN FIRTH page and the possibility, mind numbingly remote I know I know, was that it was HIM.  I had to look.

After a few hours I had to admit, it wasn't him.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVmHn1mJ4v8
TheGlitzieGirl1

Great Video - Babies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=341rybZ42vA&feature=share

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE COWBOY, and Richard Armitage

Cowboy: Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.


Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?


Cowboy: Nah.... She ain't that ugly!!





http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pxHxs4Ag3pY


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4wt824D1Bqg

The Official END OF MY PATIENCE, and Colin Firth

Today was a stellar day for me - today I reached that infamous plateau in life referred to as 'My Limit'  It has taken me sixty-two years and ten months to reach this high point in my life and I want to thank all the Little People who have helped me in my long journey.  You know who you are and so do I.  I have pictures.

"My Limit' was technically reached at 4:36 p.m. yesterday.  It arrived tucked within an e-mail from our new PROPERTY MANAGER - the man who was going to take the heavy weight from my shoulders, hereafter referred to as THE CONDO FROM HELL.  Attached to this e-mail was another e-mail from our "New Renter".

"New Renter" is upset with "New Condo", (and he was living there for all of one half of a day, must be pretty damn bad).  It seems that the CONDO FROM HELL is dirty.  Yes, Mems and Sahibs, he insists we clean/replace the A/C vent in the bathroom, the washer and dryer are less than perfect in appearance and he wants the bathroom painted/cleaned/gutted/torched, and on and on and on...but I digress.

He also still smells THE CAT from the previous tenant.  Excuse me for a second, could someone bring me my sedation?  Ah!  Thank you so much, nurse.  All righty then - if you haven't read about the lovely tenant we had to evict while she was pregnant, I'll just say that she left her cat with us.  Apparently this cat has left his demon presence in the condo and "New Renter" would like us to replace the tile in the laundry room and kitchen.  Also, he's not pleased with that screen door.

That does it for me, folks.  Good night, everyone.  I'm outta here.

In the past month we have removed both the carpeting AND the padding to the condo, although we were told we could cheat and just remove the carpet and NO ONE WOULD KNOW.  We also had the walls and ceilings washed, and primed and painted  Our property manage'sr painter said all we needed to do was paint over the filth and smoke and God knows what else that was spread over the walls.

We purchased a new dishwasher, a new garbage disposal.  We had a plumber install a new faucet in the bathroom, and a shut off valve where there was none before.

We hired a professional cleaner to finish the whole thing off.  But the NEW TENANT has wrinkled his nose and is pouting down by the pool/tennis court complex.

this man should be afraid - he should be very afraid

Because, I'm done being nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=gtMFDZLLsaU

Yes I DO realize that Colin Firth has nothing to do with this.  I don't care.

Too much time on my hands - you be the judge

After all of the drama of the past few months, I decided to treat myself (and you) to a deluge of male pulchritude, an inundation of masculine exquisiteness, a gaggle of gorgeous gentleman -  in other words, let's watch our guys strut their stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MtpCDbgfGU

EVERYONE IN LORD OF THE RINGS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D7Xy3E5R9o

DAVID TENNANT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdOcHru-Qf8

ALAN RICKMAN (Seductive Severus Snape)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DECB273nYOc

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH  (brilliant)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4JGXxmzPHo

COLIN FIRTH (magnificent - the one and only!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=R4toBFbkQ44

MATTHEW MACFADYEN (Mr. Gorgeous himself)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=RyjngsUiWl4

RICHARD ARMITAGE

****************************

AND THE SEXIEST OF THEM ALL....WAIT FOR IT.....TRY TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZDKLbuEehM

MR. BEAN

BEFORE AND AFTER (and Benedict Cumberbatch)

BEFORE

This will be brief but I have to get it off my mind.

I've made fun of the past few months with our tenant from hell and I've talked to a lot of people about this and when I relate to others all her tales of woe the one comment I keep getting back is that "she's not your problem."

Well, I'm really tired of hearing that.

She IS my problem.   All of our collective problems are our neighbors problems and we can't dismiss others so lightly.  I am not proud of what we did, not by a long shot.  I like Toni but I found I didn't believe what she was telling me and we needed to move on.  If she had been up front with us and honest we would have worked something out with her.

However, without trust you have nothing, and we just didn't trust her anymore.  Something is wrong with Toni, I realize that.  She was charming and childlike but irresponsible.  The moment you help her from one difficulty she relaxes with her feet up to wait for the next.  She never stands on her feet as an adult would to take charge of her life.

It makes me wonder about her upbringing.

But for so many people to say immediately, "that not your problem," well, that's not right either.

AFTER

Well, ok, so I was wrong.  I texted Toni and told her that today the disposal company was coming by for her things between eleven and four and I also told her we'd take the cat to a shelter.  She FINALLY texted me back that she was staying by the pool across the road and would meet us at our condo to get the cat and her things.

Rich and I got there at 10:30.  We waited until eleven and then I texted her again that we were there, where was she, and that the disposal company would arrive soon. She texted back (a miracle - her phone has healed itself) she would arrive in a half hour.   The disposal company came at 12:30, still no Toni so I had brought a really nice travel bag I was giving to her with the thought that if she didn't show I would pack the bag with whatever I could.  I texted her again.  "There're here," I said.  "They're taking the stuff away."

She texted me immediately (this is the girl who has half convinced me that the reason she never replies to my texts is that her phone is broken and text messages get to her hours after they are sent, if ever)  She said "Who's taking what?  Where?"  I couldn't believe it.  She had no idea what was going on.   I texted her "They are taking your stuff."  She texted.  "They can't do that.  I have a suitcase with ready and other things."  I didn't answer her.  I just grabbed the clothes atop her washing machine and stuffed the bag, told the man to leave it on the lanai.

Three hours later I heard from Toni.  "You fucking bitch!  You deliberately saved garbage for me - you took this from the garbage!  You intentionally gave away my good clean clothes and left me with garbage.  Karma is a bitch and so are you!"

Ok.  And I was going to give her money too if she had arrived.

She sent a dozen more texts in the same manner - then started whining about her grandmother's china and her $100 shoes - she hasn't even paid her rent for two months!

Now the condo is empty and our painter was there today.  She said the windows are black with something, and it's not cigarette smoke.  Also there is fecal matter (other than the cat's) and blood on the rug in the bedroom (I wonder if that's why she slept on the floor in the living room and not in her bed).

Oh, and we found out today that the security gate for the complex that had been bashed in was bashed in by one of Toni's visitors.

Ok, I get it.  She really is not my problem.  I feel so battered and bruised now that I finally have reached the point were I don't care.

And I hate that she's done this to me, but there it is.

The voice from heaven